American Dust

A random blog that features things like soccer, politics, personal financial advise, and sometimes comics.

Reality TV Casting

Posted by americandust on January 26, 2010

Email430 views | Reality TV Casting Reality shows are like normal shows, except you don’t need a real plot, just some vague goal/reward. Also, you don’t hire professional actors with talent, you just cast a wide variety of people who will hate each other.

It’s like a cracked reader’s satuday night, only without porn on the tv.

Just Like The Real Mason-Dixon Line, This One Divides the Culture from the Crap
Just The Facts
1.Reality TV is very popular with networks because it’s very cheap to make them.
2.For some reason people watch these shows.
3.In real life, racial profiling is wrong. In TV reality shows, it is a way of life.
The Requirements:
In the big book of Reality TV casting, there are several requirements. We used to call these requirements “sterotypes” but now they are “reality TV fundamentals.”

Start your casting with a homosexual. Said homosexual should be as homosexual as possilbe. Don’t cast an ex-marine who is gay, instead cast a hairdressor. Don’t cast a lipstick lesbian (assuming they really exist), we have to have a truck-driving lesbian. You know, if Hollywood is open minded why do these producers seem stuck with 1980’s style cliches when it comes to homosexuals? In fact, perhaps the only way you could further set back societal relations woudl be to include a lazy minority. This brings us to our second required character:

A Minority who doesn’t do anything. You have to find the laziest person of color to include on this cast. Bonus points if you find a minority who is incredibly muscular but yet still won’t get off his bed/matt/sand dune to get dinner going. Also, make sure they bitch about the game a lot and threaten to quit and go home. This character provides great contrast for…

The Minority who does almost everything. This guy or girl is a shinning example of what a human should be. Maybe they grew up in a bad home life and became a lawyer/cop/superhero and are willing to lead their team/group/castmates to glory in all competitions. Because of this, they will be voted out pretty early as they are the prime threat to our next required character:

A loudmouthed woman. Every show needs one of these to stir shit up. Seriously. You know that loud woman on the bus who’s yelling on the phone at her best friend about what a skanky ho their other best friend is? Yep, she’s going to be on Survivor next year. She’s suffering from a bad self-image complex do to previous bad social interactions with very attractive females. That means you should also cast…

Very Attractive Females. Lots of very attractive females. These are required elements because they create fake drama amongst themselves (“oh no, she’s hitting on my guy”) and real drama with the loudmouthed woman. Also, they create ratings gold. Nobody would watch unfunny unattractive people on TV so if you’re going to have shows without jokes you’d better make the people in them hot. Plus they so easily manipulate the….

Pretty Boys. Yep, the homosexual will call them “twinks” and the Very Attractive Females will call them “slaves,” but these doe-eyed teens/early 20’s guys are necessary to give women a reason to watch the show. Otherwise they might catch on that reality TV does nothing but further promote the idea that women are so petty and bitchy that they would do anything to disrupt their fellow women’s paths to progress. Meanwhile the pretty boys actually do the opposite when it comes to men, they help improve the image of regular guys as their wives/girlfriends/mistresses will all see that pretty boys are quite needy and useless in the wild. This makes regular and ugly guys seem more useful. That’s why you need…

Blue Collar/Redneck Guy. Boy won’t it be fun to have a fish out of water story where a blue collar guy/redneck winds up realizing he’s totally the strange one in his group? Imagine his horror to discover he’s surrounded by people who are smart and have bright futures ahead of them. Bonus points if the redneck is racist and can’t do a good job of hiding it. Ultimatley this guy is doomed and his only chance is to latch onto the…

Mastermind middle aged white guy. The M.M.A.W.G. is the heart of the show. Every story needs a good villian and this guy is the villian. His ability to use the Blue Collar guy and the Minority who does nothing while luring over just enough of the Very Attractive Girls to form a solid unbeatable block drives the show. That is until the others in the group can openly admit they are putty in his hands and they must get rid of him. This way viewers get to feel that good has trumped evil in the end and that it’s not completely unrewarding for the viewer that the pretty boy or pretty girl won the prize.


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